I’m not good at it. Listening is not easy. Genuinely hearing what other people are saying is active – a verb. You are doing something, not just passively sitting and waiting for your turn to speak. Most people don’t listen with the intent of understanding, most people listen with the intent of responding.

I’m going to frame this conversation in terms of entertainment, both written and other media, but it is something that should be applied to any other communication.

The movies have always been for me. The massive, record breaking, blockbuster films for the vast majority of my life have been super white. The awards given out have been all white. The works they were based on were overwhelmingly white. It’s been a white, white, white world.

February is black history month. The Academy of Motion pictures is holding it’s annual awards this first weekend of February. Will diversity show up? I have my doubts. Check out this video to hear what prompted my thought process.

When the comic book adaptation film Black Panther came out I was very excited to see another part of the Marvel cinematic universe come to life on the screen. BP crushed at the box office and had amazing staying power in the theaters. It got extremely positive reviews. When I reviewed the movie the take away for me was “this movie was not aimed at me”. It was a black superhero telling a story that showed that white wasn’t the only way. It was aimed at NOT white kids to say, “look, this is for you too”. I thought that was one of the best parts of the movie. I have no idea the “realness” of the backgrounds of characters, the authenticity of the costume inspirations – non of that is history I know. It was wonderful, but in the end it didn’t have the same impact it would if I were part of a community that grew up with, knew or understood those things. I appreciate what it is and what it did, but it was not going to be inspirational to me or have the kind of impact it will with people not from my background.

I attempted to explain what I meant to another white person. This white person said something to the effect of, “What? You don’t like it? How can you not like it? Look what Marvel is doing! All those costumes and colors…”

This person wasn’t listening. To them the film was just another part of a bigger whole without the context of inclusion. To be fair – I don’t know if it was a matter of accepting this diversity without question or completely missing the point. The feeling I got during the conversation was that they were completely missing the point. It’s not easy to listen without putting forward your own view and making things fit into the framework you’re comfortable with. Saying that it wasn’t for me was not a condemnation of the film, it was an attempt to understand that an expanded and multi-faceted creation had more to offer than the same old reworked all white framework that I have known my entire life.

Sometimes when listening becomes action it means accepting a different role. Really listening means you’re open to changing your views. Sometimes the different role is not the “in charge” role. Not making decisions or leading. If you’ve always been in the lead it is not easy to relinquish that to anybody else, let alone someone that doesn’t mesh with the homogenized system you’ve become comfortable with.

This is also not an easy conversation to have. Being the middle aged white guy makes putting forward any thoughts on diversity of any kind dangerous. It’s easy to go wrong due to lack of understanding and a lack of willingness to listen. There’s a quote I heard in the past about media that essentially said if you let somebody talk long enough you will be able to take six lines out of context and use that against them – even if that was never what they meant. Sometimes you don’t know or can’t know the right context for asking questions. It can be challenging to put forward that you don’t know something. It will make you vulnerable and people don’t generally like that. The landscape of social media makes it easy to hide behind anonymity and scream out about the faults of others. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Vulnerability scares people.

I am trying to listen. I am hoping to be part of a meaningful change. It won’t be easy. It’s something I’m working on. I think I’m getting better, but that’s not really for me to judge. Diversity matters. It matters an awful lot more than we understand. Listen ~ and be part of the change.