This was originally published at Watch The Skies but it was part of a longer and very interesting conversation. I certainly hope it garners a few comments here as well:

Over a recent weekend I attended Philcon , “…the world’s first and longest-running conference on science fiction, fantasy, and horror!” It was a good experience. I’m glad I went. I’d only ever attended one other time and that was a day pass. This time I was able to get the full emersion version.

From a location point of view I hated attempting to cross Philadelphia to get there. I dislike the area around the hotel in terms of driving as well. I don’t know how close (or not) the train or bus run. It’s not as easy to access as other conventions I’ve been to, but as someone pointed out to me, the parking is free and there is lots of it. Even when a boating competition was in the area there was still ample parking.

The hotel itself was nice. I needed to adjust to a more vertical layout than other conventions I’ve been to. The fire alarm that hit in the middle of the afternoon was quickly handled with minimal disruption to the convention. The stairs were strictly emergency exit things but elevators seemed to handle the needs of the crowd quite well.

The crowd… didn’t seem like much of a crowd. From time to time through the course of the weekend I wondered where everyone was. I’ve seen others more familiar with the convention report that attendance was far lower than previous years. I only recall a handful of hall costumes. No disrespect those that were there – they were well done. The storm trooper was excellent. I loved that two people teamed up and came as Bill and Ted and I had to do a double take when somebody I know showed up in a wig and an outfit that made her look totally different than the way I recognized her. That’s a short list though – and I only recall seeing four or five others at all. For a convention with costuming as part of the panel selection it seemed very, very thin in that department. That was symptomatic of the rest of the convention as well. Panels with a dozen people were considered well attended and it wasn’t uncommon for me to hear of panels where the panelists outnumbered those attending. I realize this happens from time to time at a convention. The number of times I heard the complaint was more than it should have been.

The lasting impression from this convention was from a panel called “This Is Everyone’s Lawn”. Ostensibly this panel was to look at defeating ageism in fandom. What this panel became was ‘What’s wrong with Philcon’ or ‘why won’t those old bastards change’. This was a genuinely interesting panel and it highlighted a few things despite not actually focusing on the intended topic. Fandom in general is running into a problem similar to that in many other walks of life. There has been no movement of leadership at the top for decades. In the intervening years those who didn’t want to wait another 20 years for change have moved on and started doing something else. The ‘something else’ could be another career or running a convention of their own. Whatever the choice, the result is the same. Convention attendance is down at “traditional” places, but up on all the fronts that have been rejected (at some level) by those traditional cons. One of the most telling statements from somebody there involved a story that’s a favorite to be down on. I can’t quote the exact phrasing, but the intent was: We all bashed the fans of that [crazy, stupid, popular,bad]  series and ended up driving them all away. What we should have done was approached it as ‘we’re glad you like that, let us show you what else is out there – something similar to what you like’. There was a lot of lamentation about what was wrong, but only one or two folks that really seemed interested in trying to fix things.

I hope the folks of action proceed and are successful. I had a decent time at Philcon. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to work my way onto the list of convention guests. I’m also hopeful that the convention gets the issues that were showing through fixed up so the event continues and I can attend every year.

Over the past weekend I attended Philcon , “…the world’s first and longest-running conference on science fiction, fantasy, and horror!”. It was a good experience. I’m glad I went. I’ll be writing out a longer review and submitting it to be considered for this month’s Watch The Skies .

Normally I would put the link up after the meeting was over, but I’m hoping to intice a few more folks into joining us this month. The meeting is next Wednesday the 20th of November and we’ll be talking about the book Divergent by Veronica Roth. Show up in person and snag a hard copy of this month’s ‘zine!

Reading, more specifically one’s taste in reading, is something that develops over time. I didn’t realize this when I was younger. I was tearing through fantasy novels at a startling pace and was calling stuff “favorite” without as much thought as that term deserved. I went back not long ago to reread a novel that held a cherished spot on my shelves. Actually – it was a trilogy, and I intended to go back through the whole thing. The cover was colorful, the cover artwork amazing, my memories winding up. I sat down with my coffee in my comfy chair and pried open the paper pages that had sat, unimposing in my room for those many years.

It was unreadable. I was (and am) desperate to go back and enjoy it, but I can’t. I don’t know how I thought it was so amazing.

Scratch that. I know why I thought it was so amazing. I wonder how it has remained as popular as it has for all this time. I suspect it’s the idea, or the concept or the history or even the artwork – but it can’t be the writing.

This is one of those relationship things that most guys hate I suspect. It’s not you – it’s me. My taste, my desires for stories and how they are presented has developed over time and I’ve entered a new stage in my consumption of entertainment, particularly the books I read. I have learned over time what I like and what I don’t, things I need in a story and things I don’t want to see. I have moved to a new stage of reading in my life. I won’t simply write off books anymore, I simply add them to another category in my mind.

This week has me wondering if science fiction conventions are the same way for me. I’m headed to Philcon this coming weekend. There was a day when I would have had a legal size (or larger) sheet of paper laid out with a grid of time slots shown and a pack of multi-colored highlighters to organize how I was going to squeeze as many panels in as I could in the short span of a weekend. This time, not so much. I glanced at the schedule grid and have tried to pick out a handful of panels to get to, but I’m much more interested in seeing my friends and spending time with other people that share interests that I do. It’s another stage, not good or bad, simply different. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still looking forward to the convention. I’ve never failed to have a good time on a weekend away – I’ll just keep the other stages in mind when I see folks dashing here and there and attempt to enjoy the fact they revel in their current stage as much as I do mine.

I have been working diligently on a number of things – most importantly, the project I’m working on with my new secret partner. The problem is that my thoughts are just everywhere – particularly today. I’m all over the map.

There’s no grand reason for this. It’s not some anniversary nor did anything go particularly wrong (or particularly right). I wish it were that simple. I could work toward resolution were that the case. The issue here is simply that I seem to have the attention span of a gnat with ADD these days.

My wife was kind enough to point out that I have four of five major things going on in my life (both personal and professional) that do actually require a large amount of time and attention. It’s true, but I’m starting to wonder if that is the only thing. I can’t say with certainty. What I can say is this – my hocus-pocus is out of focus.

Is there anyone that knows of a technique to help with this? What would you recommend? For the record – I’m not a fan of adding a pill (looking at you Adderall) to ‘fix’ this. I mean organization or other tested time management type things.

Sometimes weird things collide in my head. I have ideas and they get wedged in odd corners and stuck. Other ideas will pop up, rebound off of something and crash into the wedged bits.

It’s a lot like the old commercial where somebody with chocolate crashes into somebody with peanut butter (because who wouldn’t walk around just scooping a snack out of the jar, right?) and peanut butter cups are formed.

Two of my older writing ideas have been smashed together. I think they’ll work in longer form. The issue is, finishing.

Adding to this mess – a number of other statements have collided in my head lately. All of them are about dedication, commitment or conviction. I didn’t think I needed the push, but then I looked at the date stamps on a number of the projects I’ve started. There are some old dates in there. These projects are GOOD, but they’ve floundered. The one thing that keeps rebounding back and forth in my head is right around the 58 second mark of this video clip ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vK0FPtYTvY ). I seem to lack conviction. I haven’t followed through. I haven’t made my creative life a constant, it has been a constant secondary option – or tertiary depending on the day.

I know a lot of successful writers out there and I see lots of work pouring forth from them. Then I look at my work and wonder where it is.

No more wondering.

There will be a new level of conviction for this project. It becomes priority one for my creative work, all other projects get bumped until this one is done. Now that I’ve got that in writing, it actually feels a lot more like a contract.

There are some very nice things about this new project. Being the combination of a couple of old things, there’s already a 20k word start on it. Admittedly those words are a bit of a hash at this point, but that’s for edits later. Get through the work. Finish. That’s the key.

One of the other nice things about this project? I’ve worked out a secret deal with a writing partner. This other person and I have agreed to work this together and help push each other along. An added level of commitment. I’m very excited about this new project!

Updates to follow!

Myke Cole is a very interesting guy. He wouldn’t remember me, despite having met a couple of times at conventions and such. He was kind enough to sign my copy of Best Laid Plans – the one he wrote the forward for, and my first appearance in the Defending the Future series.

I will say with absolute honesty (and I do strive for honesty all the time – not just when it’s convenient) that I wasn’t a fan of his first book. It’s not the style or the setting, Myke is a good author and I read that book very quickly. He is a pro and I’m not. I’m speaking strictly from the fan point of view on that. I love to read a good story, but I’ve learned over the years there are certain things I NEED when I’m going to delve into a book and become one with the main character. Oscar Britton is not the right hero for me. Maybe I’ll read Shadow Ops again in the future and it will speak to me in a new way. I doubt it – but I’m willing to try. Why would I be willing to try? Because Myke has shown me stuff in person and on his blog that makes me WANT to read his work. I have seen more than one thing from him that shows me something about him. I am seeing things that make me respect what he writes – even if I don’t like it. I respect him and what he does. That counts for an awful lot in my world.

Want to see the post that kicked this thought off in my head? You should. Go and read this: http://mykecole.com/blog/2013/10/true-grit

Now that you’ve read that, take some time and think about who you are. I mean really think about it honestly. If you don’t lie to yourself, there are likely things you want to change. It’s certainly true for me. Wrap your head around the topic he’s speaking on if you can. That’s huge. I’m very glad he wrote that, and in some small way I want to try to pass that along.

I hope, in the future, to be able to speak openly and honestly in a manner like Myke does. He is worthy of respect.

I spent some time in my post Soft Spot talking about nostalgia related things. I mentioned the whole “suffering for your hobby” bit in there. I have, over the years, had the reoccurring thought that I should gather a list of actual facts to drag out whenever somebody provokes me enough to defend Dungeons and Dragons.

Once again I find myself looking at something I thought I was alone in and finding just the opposite is true. There is apparently a book coming out titled “Bad For You” that has gone and done that work – and likely extended it a lot further than I would have had I gone after this topic (who knew chess was once considered bad for kids?).

The thing that caught my eye was in the use of the tragic story of Dallas Egbert, a child prodigy who committed suicide, and the publicity-chasing detective who linked his suicide to his love of Dungeons & Dragons. I have the book and have read it more than once. There are also ties to the most unforgivable role of Tom Hanks’s long career – starring in one of those “based on the true story” movies called Mazes and Monsters (actually based on a Rona Jaffe novel that was based on the inaccurate news accounts I believe – cause novels are where we always find the best facts after all). I really thought I was one of a very tiny number of people that actually remembered this case, and the fact that all of the other issues in this kid’s life were totally overlooked (at least until after the splashy headlines were gone).

There’s a lot of stuff out there now that I’ve jumped down the rabbit hole. I can’t wait to dig up The Pulling Report by Michael A. Stackpole (an author I met at a GenCon once – check out his X-Wing novels, they’re fantastic. I wonder what else will turn up as we go?

In typical fashion, I’m of two minds about something. Happens all the time.

I’m a little upset that an article I found on a large, well known web site essentially panders to the lowest common denominator. It bothers me more than a little that I’m caught by this pandering, but hear me out. The article is “Artistic Masterpieces That Have Been Stolen, Destroyed or Lost”. You can find it here: http://io9.com/artistic-masterpieces-that-have-been-stolen-destroyed-1440069572

The vast majority of the “destruction” happened during the fighting of WWII. I’ll admit I was caught by the title, but there was a very limited focus after that. It’s one of the things that disappoints me about media on a regular basis. It’s very easy to be down on any large media source for things like that. Are paintings the only artistic masterpieces? That certainly seems to be the focus. There certainly wasn’t any sculpture mentioned… like I said, easy to criticize.

On the other hand, at least there is attention being brought to this kind of thing. I would never have known that being “blown away” had a literal beginning had I not read the article. It’s brutal, but it lead me into further reading and other topics that I’m very interested to learn about. The longer I read, the more I thought how interesting this story could have been. Others seem to share my view – both before and after the article. I’m actually hoping a new movie that’s coming out will help things along in terms of learning about art and how it features in our history. Check out the trailer here: http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/the-monuments-men/trailer

This was originally printed in Watch The Skies for the September 2013 meeting.

Suffering is required to achieve something great. No pain, no gain. It’s a simple thing to understand, right?

Not so simple really. That suffering can have long term, lasting impact. Many people wouldn’t call it suffering. They’ll tell you that suffering is strictly a physical thing. It is not. Some people will tell you that suffering is simply learning in disguise. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Some people will tell you to ignore those around you and carry forth with your passion. Easier said than done in many cases. I have come to the realization recently that I am stuck on a lot of things from my childhood. Suffering for something is one of the things I’m stuck on.

Reading the novel “Ready Player One” recently brought a lot of these issues to the surface again, but the issues have been lurking for quite a while now – if not my whole life. I have constantly felt like I needed to prove that the things I did, the things I loved were important. The things I loved had deeper meaning and real value. Sometimes I get a typical male urge to compete; to show off the fact that I have achieved a certain status and survived. There are many days when I feel a bit like Smaug. I am fully armored. You can not hurt me. The problem of course is that I am not Smaug, but much like him I have a soft spot that is easy to exploit. That soft spot is also my main hang up.

When I was a kid I fell in love with all things fantastic. The first novel I recall having a direct impact on me and changing me forever was “The Hobbit”. It was something I was ‘forced’ to read as a way to get me out of the way when the adults were helping my aunt move. I was hooked immediately. I loved it. I wanted more. There wasn’t much more that was readily accessible at the time, but then I found these pamphlet looking things with amazing art work on them. Dungeons and Dragons entered my life. It was the only thing I was deeply interested in all the time. I constantly wanted more and looked for any kind of things related to this game. I read, I painted lead miniatures, I drew on graph paper and rolled dice all the time.

This is the soft spot.

It’s a soft spot because it’s very easy to make me defensive about it. The game became very popular. Adults got wind of this and it became the focus of a lot of damaging views. My father never seemed to like it much and would from time to time tell me (and the others that may or may not have been with me at the time) to get outside and do something other than “dungeons and dummies”. Chris from the next street over wasn’t allowed to play. It was the devil’s own tool, just look what it did to that poor boy in that Mazes and Monsters film. Calvin at the end of the street was allowed to play, but only because his mom understood that the game was mostly about imagination and they couldn’t stop that. They wouldn’t encourage him buy buying anything to support it though, and discouraged it at every opportunity. Older ladies I had long thought to be nice were suddenly “anonymously” dropping off pamphlets and complaining about the hobby shop that carried the game modules I loved so much. We got lumped in with rock music and blamed for a lot of things that “wouldn’t have happed” if it wasn’t for that terrible influence. Serious things like suicide and damaging mental health issues. I learned very quickly to hide my favorite things. To this day I rarely admit how much I have always loved the game in conversation with others. There were many, many days I simply wanted to shout “Bree-yark” (I’m still not sure if that rumor is true). There is a stigma attached to D&D still.

This soft spot has been irritated a lot lately. Geek is the new chic. I hadn’t been able to put my finger on exactly why it bothered me, but it did. I still keep most of my geek to myself. It’s a rare few that have seen my collection of D&D things. It’s an even more elite group that I am willing to actually play a game with. That soft spot gets touchy easily. Then I heard about this film called “Zero Charisma”. I’m still not certain I want to see it. I think I have to, but I don’t know if I’ll like it. In a review for the film I finally found a summary of what exactly I was feeling:

“But deep down he is a member of a different tribe. It is clear he has never really suffered for his hobbies the way the others have… For him, geekdom isn’t a refuge from the sufferings of life: It is merely an aesthetic.”

Tim Wu talking about a relative newcomer to the game in his review of “Zero Charisma”

Article Link: http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/03/12/zero_charisma_review_dungeons_dragons_movie_is_instant_classic_of_geeksploitation.html

That is it exactly. This nuveau geek didn’t suffer for what he loves. It’s not like it was back in my day…

Holy crap did I just turn old? What happened right there?

Since that revelation, I have been noticing more and more that I am not alone. There are tons of articles out there that point to this wave of creative, amazing people that all share this source. Each of them has approaced it in their own way and done their own thing with it, but that was always what appealed to me about the game itself. It wasn’t about winners and losers, it was about creating, imagination and surviving! Gain enough experience and you gain another level. Believe in something and it will stay, but disvelieve and the illusion will vanish (depending on your saving throw). Maybe, just maybe, I’m coming up on my next level and I’ll be able to set aside the breast plate of defensiveness (+5) without hurting my armor class. I’m pretty certain there are people out there still calculating their THACO and angling to get a shot at me, but as I level up I should be harder to hit – even in the soft spot.

Some other intersting links to those struck with the same creative influecnes I’ve come across recently:

Fiction from the New Yorker: http://www.newyorker.com/fiction/features/2010/10/04/101004fi_fiction_lipsyte?currentPage=all

An interview with that author: http://www.vol1brooklyn.com/2013/03/06/sam-lipsyte-geeks-out-about-role-playing-games-with-vol-1/

Shire Wisdom: http://www.shirewisdom.com/2013/08/31/open-your-dork-hoard/

Of Dice And Men: http://www.ofdiceandmen.com/

Do you have any favorites? 

Yippee!

My next story is in this anthology – and I’ve got it from a reliable source that they’re on the shelf in the store now (you should go and pick on up)!

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dogs-of-war-david-sherman/1116924300?ean=9781937051051