Category Archives: Personal Observation

Random Sports Stuff

Posted on by

I am a fan of sports in general. I was an athlete once upon a time. I have a vague sense of what it takes for folks to achieve things at a high level and what kind physical effort it really takes to be great. I am not one of those people that somehow believes “if not for that one thing…” I would have been there. Getting to the top of any game is a massive, life consuming effort. Even the low level of athleticism I managed to achieve takes its toll on a body. I can’t imagine how I would feel now if I had been pushing my body further, faster, stronger or more than I did.

It’s still fun to watch sports, mostly. I’ve drifted away from the major sports. The No Fun League has really fallen in my view. They excuse unethical, dangerous and violent behavior as part of doing business. They’ve been so big for so long that they’ve become a machine that doesn’t feel like it will be stopped.

Prediction zone – KC will win the game today. It will be tight. The Patriots will regret trading Jimmy G to the 49ers ~ win or lose today he’ll be back in the playoffs a bunch.

Speaking of the Pats ~ it’s going to be a long time before they see the super bowl again. Tom Brady is playing the media like no other athlete before. He will sign back with the Pats (one year deal ~ big money). They’ll make the playoffs next year (again) and get knocked out before the AFC title game (again). That will be it for them. It will be another 20 or 30 years before they’re good again. I was watching when they went to the super bowl the first time, I’ll probably be watching when they go again. It’s been a nice run.

I plan on watching “the big game” today (calling it that is an entirely different argument that I’m not interested in right now [it’s stupid]). I will continue to casually track my favorite team and watch games when I can. I won’t spend any more money on them. I think there are a lot of problems with that league and all they stand for (with their actions more than their words).

I do believe that sports can and should have an important place in the lives of people. I am in no way trying to say that football or any other organized sport should somehow be stopped or removed. Sports give us a lot ~ and a lot more than entertainment. Life lessons, amazing stories, opportunities for real change… all of those things are part of sports. Physical health is part of sports. Mental health and emotional well being should be part of it too. I’m not saying we need to have ‘participation trophies’ or stop keeping score. Winning and losing are part of understanding how life works. Losing is a particularly important part of learning. IF you never get knocked down you won’t learn how to get up, dust yourself off and keep going. That matters.

I hope to see sports continue to grow and change. I love seeing how far and how hard people can push themselves. What are the limits of unaided human physicality? How far can sports go without becoming something beyond human?

I’m working on a collection of stories that I hope will delve into the distant, and maybe not to distant future of sports and what people can achieve in that realm.

Digital Native?

Posted on by

I was having a conversation with a friend about digital ownership. That wasn’t all the conversation was about, but it was a significant part of what we covered. He was telling me about a group of people that had put a lot of money into this digital venture and then it was suddenly gone.

By pure coincidence I got this notice today:

That’s it. A program I’ve been using for a while is going to just stop. The notice popped up right after an “upgrade”. No recourse, no options ~ they’re done. If you’ve put any amount of money into this program… sorry. You’re done. Use it up before April.

This is a game, and I’ve never actually spent any money on it. It was running on the ad revenue from me and clearly that’s not enough for them to keep going with this program. The money amounts for “in app purchases” never really looked like anything more than ten or twelve bucks. I still wouldn’t spend my money on it…

And that’s part of what’s making me think. My friend was explaining this other group of folks had dropped tens or hundreds of dollars on “digital real estate” and would often spend significant amounts of time in these digital locations. I have to admit that I don’t get it. I’m trying to draw parallels to spending money on going to the movies or some other form of entertainment, but the amount of money seems terribly disproportionate to me. I’m not sure where the block is for me… but it definitely doesn’t seem to make sense to me.

I suppose the value of entertainment is in what you get out of it. While hundreds of dollars seems desperately irresponsible to me for purchasing video game… anything frankly, if I didn’t have the ability to get up and out of the house on my own I’d likely see that differently. That digital real estate would be my way to vacation. I wouldn’t get photos at the airport, I’d get screen shots of that one time when this really cool thing happened ~ right?

I will probably have this added to the tally of “Luddite credentials” that I have, but I just don’t ever foresee myself being willing to put so much money into an item of entertainment, and particularly never a digital thing. I’m already very nervous about the number of “books” that I don’t own via Kindle. I do my best to download copies to an off line location, but I can’t say that I’ve gotten them all. Even if I did get them all, what if the reader equipment I have fails to function? I get the queasy feeling that I’ll eventually be dealing with some other kind of entertainment / digital upgrade nonsense about something that will cause me to add to my pile of vinyl records, 8-tracks, cassette tapes, VCR tapes…

I suppose I have to chalk this up to the price of entertainment and the illusion of ownership. People will pay what they want to have fun and be part of something entertaining. I won’t be paying to join an online WoW server any time soon, but I hope the folks that do have a great time while it lasts.

An Anniversary

Posted on by

A date slipped past in the midst of all the holiday goings on. Back on December 27th The Pretend Blog became a teenager. Yes, this blog has been around for 13 years now.

It has not always been on my own web site. I started this whole thing back in the days of LiveJournal if you can believe it. Thirteen years of putting stuff I want to get out of my head up here.

I am forced to admit that I haven’t built the sort of readership that people who pay for their own web sites normally want. I have NO intention of stopping this however. I will continue to keep my own content, thank you very much.

So – all these thousands of words later – teenager. Let’s hope the site gives me less attitude than most teens give their parents!

For any fans of nostalgia, the LiveJournal posts are still live. I don’t remember how to get into that site, but all that stuff can still be found here.

I’m also consistent about a lot of things. I still laugh every time I watch The Ultimate Showdown (from the second ever blog post by me!).

A New Year? Again?

Posted on by

2019 really does seem like a bit of a blur to me. I’m more shocked than any other reaction that it’s actually 2020 now.

I looked back at my new year post from this past January. I can’t say that I’ve truly shaken the slump, but I’m slowly getting better / back to where I once was. I read more (though I am still failing at the reviews thing), I caught up on more media that I had been missing out on and I’ve written a few thousand words. They weren’t spectacular words, but they were progress (and they are part of why there hasn’t been more being posted here).

Given my recent post on habits, one might think that I’d be putting something up here about resolutions and how big changes are coming, etc., etc…

Well, no. That’s not how I operate. Many years ago I made a New Year’s resolution to NEVER make a New Year’s resolution again. Guess what? Total success. Still going strong on that one. IF you want or need change in your life, the calendar is convenient, but not required. Make the change to grow or get better when you make that choice. Do what you need in order to adjust your habits.

I get the feeling that I should try to have some kind of review of the past decade, but again – not really my style. I don’t like list posts – they seem kind of cheap to me. This time of year is busy for sure, but readers that have time on their hands around travel time or in an attempt to get away from relatives want something new to read, not just another review / list.

As we all go crashing into 2020 (may you be able to live with all the vision jokes) let’s hope that the most amazing positive thing that happened last year for us is just a springboard to even more amazing in the coming year.

Habits

Posted on by

Habits

Habits are difficult things to break. There are a lot of things I do that happen simply because they’re what I have always done. I have a listing in my internet bookmarks called ‘daily review’. Every time I am on the computer for any length of time I open that list of bookmarks and roll through each of the sites there. I don’t need to see any of those sites. They’re a mix of news, entertainment and web comics that I follow. It’s important to keep up on the news of the day, but there really isn’t a single one of those web sites that I couldn’t catch up with at some other point in the day OR just skip. Seeing the latest “Off The Mark” comic strip is not something that’s going to deeply change my day. I could skip all of them and not really miss anything at all. It’s a hard habit to break.

As it turns out, it’s also challenging to create new habits. Doing good things, making long term positive changes is not easy either. This applies to anything, but it is particularly difficult for me to do this with writing. My writing tends to take a back seat. There are a lot of reasons for this. The main reasons aren’t easy to pin down, but I think the biggest are lack of inspiration and fear of judgment

Writing at the level I really want is work. I tend to write when I am inspired. When I have that spark the words come pouring out. I have pages and pages of hand written notes with almost no scratch outs or edits. I become the Zeus of the story and chunks just pop from my head fully formed. The problem with that is combining inspiration and the actual time needed to sit and get all the words recorded. There’s at least a novel worth of words that have faded away because I couldn’t manage to get them to the page when the dream was fresh or the mood was in full swing. I can’t afford to wait on these pages. I need to sit and write and keep it all in some kind of recorded form, whatever that form may be. Typed, handwritten, voice recording – doesn’t matter. Get the words out there and do it all the time.

It’s easy to hear others talk about these things. I know that Ray Bradbury used to write ten thousand words a day. Sounds like the perfect recipe for writing books. I’ve often snatched a line from one of my other favorite authors. When I heard Jim Butcher talk about writing he said, “I don’t have a muse, I have a mortgage…” I knew there was truth there. Writing is work. Work needs to be done on a regular basis. I do not do enough of that kind of work.

Judgment

The other part of my inability to start good habits is this fear of judgment. If I put myself out there and claim to be a writer I will be judged by my ability to string together coherent statements with the proper use of grammar AND it will all need to be spelled right. Then, after all the basics, I need to actually have something to say.

Two main parts to that. First the spelling and grammar portion is not easy. I am terrible at spelling. I can look at this page alone and see at least 3 words with squiggly red lines under them. They are words that I absolutely should know how to spell and I just can’t seem to get them right. I don’t know why, but they don’t stick. It’s physically difficult for me to keep typing and not go back to edit while I’m letting the words continue to come out. Going back to edit can and should be something that is done after all the words are out. Too often I stop what I am thinking to go back and craft the perfect phrase or clean up all the spelling that is glaring at me in red. Breaking the flow stops the words and just as often as not they don’t start again. Grammar is worse. Grammar is one of those things that I know I should know, but I feel a bit like Gandalf in the LOTR movies, “I have no memory of this place…”. I am faking my way through it all and anyone that has half a clue about how grammar works probably cringes at the word salad I toss out.

Impostor

The second part is the judgment All this writing is out there for people to read, and very few people actually read it. The fact that I can name the people who interact with me when it comes to my writing says a lot about my success. That’s the true judgment part. It’s not having some troll throw angry words down about what I have said, it’s that all of this amounts to nothing. Getting somebody to react, somebody to actually read what I have labored to create would allow them to look at my terrible spelling and grammar and think, “this guy is a writer? I could do better…”. One of the harshest critiques I’ve ever had was at a book signing. The book signing had a line of authors from the anthology. As people shuffled along the line of authors this guy asked me, “and what story was yours?”. When I told him his face froze in place and then he said, “Oh. That one was… nice.”. I thanked him again and he stepped down the line to the next author. That really sucked. He’d read it and it did nothing for him. That was a tough one to overcome, but I’ve kept going in the hopes that I’ll sneak in with the cool kids again one of these days. It’s not easy. I am slowly slipping into the land of old men standing in the yard and yelling at the sky.

After all that

This is the sort of rambling, writerly life-style post that would normally end with some promise not to blog fade or to use the coming new year as an excuse to claim great changes are on the way. I’ve done all that before. I’m sure I’ll re-post one of my successful habits in the coming days about that. What I am going to say is that this is all a work in progress. I have seen some short videos lately that have resonated with me about habits, work ethic and the tool box fallacy. I’ll keep going. In the future somebody will dig these words up and bring them back for judgment – at least I will have made them react.

Post Script:

This is one of those “fully formed” examples. More than a thousand words that poured out all at once. Now to edit…

This Site

Posted on by

I am not a fan of change simply for the sake of change. Many (most?) things can simply be ‘steady on’ and I’m good with that. I frequently see solutions looking for problems in the day job and people pick these things up simply because they are new and flashy.

I really like solutions… IF there’s actually a problem to address. If things are running smoothly, why change them? I really like a certain level of consistency. I remember when everyone’s web site absolutely needed frames. Then everyone’s web site needed flash. Java. There are lots of things that have come and gone. That’s not me.

However.

I get it for certain marketing functions. I do. Sometimes things need to be freshened up and given a new coat of paint (or digital wallpaper at least).

I’m not a web designer. I know there are parts of this site that are broken and have been for some time. I know there are parts of it that need desperately to be updated. I have actually gone out and started a conversation with somebody that might be able to help me with this. Let me rephrase that – I know she can help me, the question is if I can afford her (she’s a pro). Coming from the creator community I will NOT ask somebody to work “for the exposure”. Just like winter time – you can die from exposure.

So – some small hope that things will brighten up in the near future. We’ll see how it works out together!

Vegas Baby!

Posted on by

The thing about going to Las Vegas is the show. It’s very flashy. It’s very showy. It’s a massive glittering facade. Once you’ve passed the point of being overwhelmed by the shear magnitude of it all… how you perceive the place largely depends on your interests and cash flow.

Right after Philcon I headed to Las Vegas for a week for a convention. The convention was all work related – and significantly larger that most science fiction conventions I attend. There were somewhere in the range of eleven thousand people at this convention. Much like any other convention, there are good aspects and bad aspects. There are great panels and there are clunkers. There was a massive party along the way too.

Lonely looking the other way

I attended this convention alone. Nobody from my office was there. I knew less than a handful of people at the con and failed to connect with an old friend that lives in the area. Thing is, under those circumstances Vegas can be quite a different place.

I didn’t have any time to book shows or do most of the “tourist” stuff. I was also lucky enough to have traveled to Vegas with my wife earlier this year. We did a couple of shows and a lot more of the “tourist” stuff when we were there together. Being there alone, without those things going on, gave me some time to just sit and watch. There is certainly a lot to see while you’re there. Most of what I saw was people being overwhelmed by the scale of the place. They were all in for the show.

I’m not saying that there aren’t still things for me to see or do in Las Vegas, but sitting and just watching gave me the chance to be more objective about it. It’s huge and showy but it’s a vast facade. It’s a massive, glittering object in the middle of nowhere. It was definitely a more depressing view. When you sit and watch you notice things. I saw more than one person there that was busy purging alcohol from their system. This happens when you drink too much – but this was a Tuesday afternoon. I saw a lot more of the people working and keeping the facade running. I saw at least 2 ankle monitors for folks working at various places. It had the surreal aspects of the old movie version of the Time Machine. The happy people didn’t notice who was getting eaten.

Looking the other way from the high roller

I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to get back to Vegas again, but I do know that I’ll be looking at things a lot differently the next time I go.

More of what everyone is talking about…

Posted on by

I was excited. I’m still a little excited… but it’s dulled now.

Spent some time with Disney+ last night. Guess what you can’t binge? That’s right – they’re not dropping the Mandelorian all at once, they’re spacing it out and dropping one episode at a time.

I watched the first one. It’s good. It’s the Star Wars Universe. SPOILER ALERT – there are storm troopers in there too. As I was watching the show I caught a couple of very disturbing things. Things that make me question certain aspects of the show – and exactly how appropriate it is for kids.

IF you don’t want spoilers, turn away now.

There’s a scene in one of the bars where a fight breaks out ~ like it would in any movie frontier situation. Then one of the individuals involved in the fight gets cut in half. Yes, they allowed that to happen mostly off screen, but it was pretty clear what went down. Episode 1, right off the bat. Dude was cut in half by one of those iris doors. I suppose all the safety measures had been removed because frontier or something. I guess if it’s mostly off screen that’s fine.

The part that really bothered me was a passing little piece in the market. You remember this guy from Jabba’s place?

Salacious B. Crumb

They’ve got one of them in a cage in the market… watching another one of their race being cooked on a spit. A sentient creature – able to express emotion – being cooked on a spit in front of another of it’s race. I’m not sure I’m OK with that. I need to give it some real consideration.

Other people are far less circumspect. There has been a ripple of backlash against Disney and how… dominating? overpowering? destructive? they’ve been in the entertainment industry for a very long time. IF you get a chance you should check out this article in Variety about the warnings that are popping up on some of the cartoons / movies they’re playing on their channel.

I have to agree that the folks at the WB seem to have handled that a lot better. I wonder what their thoughts are on sentient being rotisserie as torture…

Political

Posted on by
I know this makes some of my friend ’employable’

I don’t post about politics. I don’t feel like anyone wants my opinion, and I generally don’t like asking for a wave of stupid to come crashing down on me when a troll decides that my opinion needs to be trashed. I avoid it.

This political post is just to say that I’m happy to be past another election cycle. I know the presidential race is underway for next year and that there will be a lot to pay attention to, but I’m hoping for a small reprieve from all the political nonsense out there.

I will absolutely recommend going over to check out Girl Genius if you don’t happen to know about it. It’s absolutely wonderful art and story telling. The author and artists don’t really need me to tout their work, but I have been a fan since the days of “What’s New with Phil & Dixie“. Great stuff. Go check it out!

Digging into things

Posted on by

Since I wrote up my post about the gap in my blog I’ve been going back and digging stuff up that I’ve been meaning to talk about. I often grab and save links to articles that spark something in me. I want to be timely in my discussions, but never at the expense of decent writing and forethought.

Back in July I saw this article over at Tor.

https://www.tor.com/2019/07/01/was-1999-the-year-nerd-culture-began-to-take-over-the-world/

You should read it. The two things that caught my eye were the claim of a ‘coming out’ year for fandom and an acceptance of the label(s) geek / nerd.

The first part about the coming out year caught my eye. I’ve written before about the influence of films on my own fandom. Movies that are still resonating today came out when I was a young teen (Terminator anyone?). I somehow thought this was a thing that might not have been repeatable, but then there was 2015. The movies that hit during that year were big and amazing. I’ve written a couple of times about how I think / hope my daughter will have positive memories and just as much influence from these films as I had with the crop from back in 1984. What I failed to understand was that this type of influence could be just about any year. The author of that article could have been on to something. I don’t agree with all the movie choices, but I wasn’t a teen in 1999. I absolutely agree with the assertion of the Matrix being a massively influential film. Things since then really have heated up.

The second part of that is more problematic for me. For a very long time my “nerdom” was something I made every attempt to hide. It was never popular to be called that when I was growing up. D&D wasn’t accepted as an influential part of culture, it was a derided thing that cost me friendships because some parents bought into the panic about the game. I learned to avoid talking about my favorite hobby. I was not immune to the social pressure to fit in and get along. That formative experience hasn’t left me.

No matter how popular “nerdy” things become I don’t think I’ll ever shake that. I hold my fandom close and tend not to share it.

I actively question the hot new trend to claim to be a nerd or a geek or a comic fan because you’ve seen all the Marvel movies. I’ve seen some of the so called celebrations of geekdom and I don’t think they’re as celebratory as people want to believe they are. The amount of things out there relating to science fiction and fantasy is stunning. It’s an unprecedented level of availability. All of those things feel temproary to me. It’s a bunch of people that don’t really care about fandom, but they DO care that they can make a buck from it. Media and movie folks are looking for any way possible to come up with, package, and sell the next ‘hot’ nerd thing. They don’t care about what’s in the package, just that they can sell it.

Suddenly everyone is claiming to be a geek or a nerd of some variety. The glut of marketing material for these ‘geeky’ things brings to mind a quote. “It’s the burning of the library of Alexandria by way of the Hot Topic t-shirt printing press”.

In short, I don’t buy it.

Another topic belongs right here – and that is toxic fandom. I won’t go into it right now (perhaps another post) but it’s a real thing. I suspect it’s a backlash to the popular thing. The ever present push back of being ‘cool’ by not buying into the trend.

I’m very glad there are folks out there who enjoy so many of the same things I do. I love the level of availability of all the cool things that tie in to my favorite books or games or movies. I’m thrilled to see an influx of diversity. I will continue to be wary. I’m in fandom for the long haul. I hope you are too.