One thing that the pandemic has done for me is given me a certain amount of flexibility. There are a number of times when I’d have the motivation to write and then need to be running off someplace where I’d lack the ability to actually get things typed up. Now, since just about everything is locked down it has given me the chance to take advantage of those moments. There is no place to run off to right now.
It’s nice to have the options to say, “I think pajamas and slippers all day today while I work at the computer”. No pressure. It has certainly helped.
It was never going to last. Intellectually that was easy to say, but emotionally it’s been difficult to track. It feels as though this change is never ending. Well, time is up for me.
I have been working from home (thankfully) since things have been shut down. Yes, the hours have been reduced, but I have still been on a schedule. Working days has meant that I don’t have constant ‘free time’ but outside of those hours has still been available. Starting on Monday May the 4th (Star Wars day!) I’ll be back in the office. Construction and related construction activities are coming back on line. Projects are getting underway.
In the future, when we look back at this time I wonder what we will make of the dream like state we floated through during these days of being stuck at home. I look forward to seeing how it has changed who we will become.
I wrote previously that writing is still hard. Among other obvious statements, I’m going to continue that train of thought.
Work is still work.
After a couple of weeks getting our balance with the way things work now people seem to have gotten the hang of remote working. I say this because teleconferencing has spiked for me personally. Others may or may not have been experiencing this before ~ it’s a new thing for me. I had 5 teleconferences yesterday. I’ve got 3 lined up for today. I had 2 on Monday. Three days, 10 meetings. I bailed early on my on-line book club meeting because I was just exhausted by the end of the day. It’s just the same as when I was at the office being interrupted… I got very little actual work done.
I will admit it’s nice to see other
faces, but it’s still work.
So, I don’t have all the “extra”
time that some people have right now. I’m thankful to still be
working. There are a lot of folks out there that aren’t and they’re
suffering because of it. Yes, I’ve taken a 20% pay cut, but I should
survive that. We’ll go right back up to full levels as soon as work
in the construction industry picks up again.
I’ve been trying to give my creative
needs outlet. As always, I have six or eight projects that have
cropped up in the “OH! I should to THAT” category and got
notes or nascent beginnings. I’m really trying to focus on the things
that I know I have opportunities for though. There’s a lot going on –
and I’m doing my best to stay on track and continue to function.
We’ll see how it all shakes out as we go.
I’ll continue to share things here as
they come up. Hopefully there will be exciting stuff on the way!
I’ve seen a ton of posts about all the time that some people have on their hands these days. I’ve seen posts, some joking, some serious about how much some people accomplished in the past when under quarantine rules. I’ve seen numerous posts about how one should feel about all this time, your personal level of anxiety and how much work you should get done.
A friend of mine posted an update on how much had been written during this time of not leaving the house… and questioned its value.
Writing is still hard.
Extra time at the keyboard doesn’t change that. Some people might not even get extra time at the keyboard. Some people might not be able to take it. I am extremely lucky to still be working. I am on the same hours / schedule I was before the modern plague hit the world. I still can’t sit here in front of the machine for 12 or more hours at a time. I reserve a great deal of time for work here on my computer – the day job kind.
That is not to say that other projects are still lagging. Quite the contrary actually. I’ve been chipping away at things little by little. The biggest boon to me is the reduction in travel times along with the reduction in number of meetings. There are no places I have to go, no drive time involved in going there. Very few people clamoring for my attention. that has made a certain amount of focus easier for me, so I’m getting more writing done than I have in a while.
That is not to say that it’s good writing. There is a lot of anxiety floating out there and as I have stated in other posts, the panic can and will rub off. I’m hoping that as we adjust to the way things are right now that the new schedule will allow for even more work to get done.
In the end – writing is still hard. IF you’re creative and you’re struggling – that’s OK. If you’ve got scads of free time and you can make a go of it – then you go! Get cracking and make something awesome. If you’re not a maker, be a consumer when you can. Authors, freelancers, small businesses are all going to undergo changes in the coming months. IF you’ve got the time, dig up a new author or a small press and see if you can find something you like.
Hopefully I’ll be able to pull my bits and pieces together and keep forging ahead.
There are still other people in the
world. I know that sounds silly, but I also know that if you’ve been
quarantined at home for a couple of weeks you might lose track of
that simple fact.
It’s easy to consider others when
you’re reaching out across a computer connection. People still exist
in the real world too. This is not some bizarre Martrix variation. I
am putting this out there because of a small incident from early this
morning.
I am fortunate to be among those who
are still working. There are a lot of folks out there that aren’t and
that’s causing people to make some difficult choices. Because I am
still working, I am still on my regular old schedule. On that
schedule I am up relatively early ~ and generally out the door for a
brisk walk of a mile or more every morning around 5:30 am.
For a community on “lock-down” and
under a government mandated stay at home order there were a LOT of
people out there, including the local share-a-ride bus. Again, at the
risk of sounding silly a couple of dozen cars out and moving that
early is a lot. I am very aware of my surroundings while I’m out like
that. It’s early, it’s dark most days and I have no desire to be
accidentally run over by somebody that hasn’t made it to the local
coffee shop to “wake up” yet (that’s an entirely different
discussion for a later date).
When I was walking up to one of the
intersections a car from the neighborhood down that street rolled up
almost to the corner and stopped abruptly. I normally take the
crosswalk and keep chugging along, but I hesitated and slowed down.
The driver of this car – a young lady that I’m certain was on the
way to some kind of work deemed life sustaining – while still in
gear, opened the driver side door. I thought perhaps she was going to
ask something or was in need of assistance. I stopped and waited.
While I was watching from the sidewalk on the passenger side of her
car she proceeded to search around insider her car as if she’d lost
something. Ducking down below window level, craning back over toward
the back seat… generally looking scattered.
Here was my thought process: IF you’re
looking for something, take your car out of gear and put it into
park. IF you can’t figure out how to turn the dome light on in your
car without opening the door, perhaps you should pay more attention
to how to operate this machine you’re in charge of… IF this young
lady couldn’t manage to handle those two basic things there was NO
WAY I was going to walk in front of her car to cross the street. Not
happening, no matter how much reflective stuff I have on.
Here’s the part that prompted this
post. As I went around the back of her car to continue my walk
something reflective must have caught her eye since I was walking
through the light of her brake lights. She looked shocked and shaken
that somebody else existed in the world. I had my headphones in, but
I think there might have been a squeak that came out of her car that
had nothing to do with car parts needing oil. She proceeded to stare
at me as I walked away for a really long time. I almost wanted to go
back and ask her if she was OK – but when I was probably 20 or 30
yards away and looked back I heard the car door slam shut and she
pulled around the corner.
I know that stay at home orders are challenging. Please don’t forget that eventually you will need to go out and deal with real people in the actual, physical world again. You’re going to need to be extra vigilant to avoid people that forget there are other people in the world…
It has been a year. Today isn’t a
specific anniversary date, but it has been a year since the company
that ran a number of conventions including ReGenerationWho imploded.
I wrote about my feelings in Death of a Convention last year, but now
I’ve had significantly more time to reflect.
That time to reflect has both helped
and hurt.
Time away from the chaos, rushing and
stress has given me the chance to really enjoy all the fun we had and
the amazing things we accomplished over the years. I have so many new
friends because of the things we did. We were part of something
amazing and wonderful. It has helped me to see just how cool the
fandom community really is.
Time away has hurt too. I don’t get to
see many of those folks on a regular basis. We’re connected via
social media, but sometimes an in person get together is needed. It
has also hurt to see folks that did not handle any of this well. I
will not name people here, but I have generated a deep and abiding
anger toward some parts of the collapsing mess that was. It hasn’t
gone away. I don’t think it will any time soon.
I think that’s the key to it all.
Keeping the memories and the feelings we all made together. There
will be other conventions in the future (not this year of course –
2020 the plague year) and there will be more chances to make that
magic.
Keep doing amazing things, even when they hurt a little too. It’s part of what makes us who we are.
And there it went. The first full week of the “new normal” is in the books.
Covid-19 is rampaging across the world
and killing thousands. Everyone is getting a little crazy about the
whole thing – with some justification. Something like this has not
occurred in our memory. There was the Spanish Flu back in the 1920s,
but there are no people alive who can relate to us how society was at
that time. We can read about it, but that’s all we’ve got.
We’ve also got a dramatically different
method of communication at our disposal. We know more about what’s
going on in the world around us at a faster speed than ever before.
Hopefully this will allow us to get ahead of this virus and stop
things from reaching Spanish Flu levels. Right now thousands are
dying and that’s bad. The other one? Yeah, that killed somewhere
between 20 and 50 MILLION people.
Million.
I would never attempt to diminish the
loss of a person, or collection of persons, but as a question of
scale we’re doing… as well as can be expected. Honestly, probably
better than can be expected. Yes, the virus has forced us to change
the way we conduct ourselves. No, we don’t know how long this is
going to last. Yes, after two solid weeks of news, media and home
grown “experts” yelling at us about coronavirus it seems like
it’s been here forever, but it hasn’t been that long. How long will
it be? No idea. Nobody knows. Lots of people are making predictions,
but until we get there we won’t have any idea.
I am fortunate to still be able to
work, at least right now. I have shifted to working from home and
connecting to everyone via my internet connection. My lovely wife has
been given the same opportunity and has a similar computer station
set up next to this one. We’ve been in the same house along with the
kiddo for a full week + and haven’t gone completely insane. In fact,
we all seem to quite like it. We’re much more relaxed. Work has a lot
of the same kind of stupid, but it’s muted by the overwhelming noise
of change. I’ve heard there are people out there not handling the
social isolation very well. I hope those folks take advantage of the
technology we have access to and stay as connected as they can
without actual physical presence.
So – big changes. Things we were told
would never be a thing have come to pass (particularly the sudden
‘realization’ that certain jobs CAN in fact be done remotely). Life
will be forever changed by this event. My daughter will have this as
a marked point in her life that she will remember long into her
adulthood much the same way I remember events like the shuttle
disaster that happened when I was in high school. No where close to
the same level of impact – but a bright and clear memory of that
time for me.
Forging ahead. I’ve gotten a bunch of
things done around the house. That’s the thing – when you can’t
leave, you have to make it a point to actually create and stick to a
schedule that works for your household. What am I trying to say?
Well, just this: I’ve been working essentially the same schedule as
before. Sure the commute is a hell of a lot better and the dress code
is pretty lax, but I’m still on schedule. It means that I’m spending
all that work time here on my home computer. So when I “get home
from work” I have even less desire to jump on here and keep working
than before.
I’m hoping to pick up some creativity soon –
but given the circumstances of the world, I’m not sure I’ll get
there. Maybe I’ll start cranking out the words. Dunno. Hopefully
you’ll keep coming back here to see.
It’s been a week since I posted
“historic context” and I haven’t written a single thing in that
time. I am not alone in that. This past week has seen an
extraordinary amount of change because of the world wide pandemic
that is COVID-19 (commonly called the coronavirus). I simply have not
had the wherewithal to just sit down and write. There is a staggering
amount of anxiety out there and it has leeched into us here. It is
hard to NOT panic when everyone else is in panic mode. The biggest
fear is the transmission rate and our lack of ability to stop it. We
don’t have any kind of vaccine to counter this and people have been
dying by the thousands over the past few weeks. It is true that most
of the deaths are not near us here in the middle of PA, but the
simple fact that within a stunningly short number of days there are
hundreds of people near us that have this virus makes that panic
suddenly sound more reasonable. Panic is not a reasonable response,
but it is understandable to be deeply shaken by the speed this hit us
with and our genuine lack of preparedness.
When this was ramping up I started to
make a list of meetings and events that had been called off because
of this virus. It seems almost quaint to look at that list from a
week ago. What has been canceled? Everything. The Governor of the
state issued an order for all non-life sustaining business to close.
All of them. There’s a sudden mad scramble to change how people can
work and discussions about the nature of that work (and in many cases
that people can’t work now and have been laid off or fired in vain
attempts to save a business). In a move that was previously declared
as “never going to happen” I have started to set up the ability
to work from home. This is admittedly a challenge because the very
nature of my work is collaborative. We shall see how it all works out
only after more time has passed.
If you’re reading this right now, I
have no doubt that you know most of what I have just written. It’s
not possible to avoid this news. Why am I writing it here? Historic
context. I didn’t remember small parts of what happened when America
was attacked on 9/11. If I had not written them down in one of my
sketchbooks at work I would have forgotten. There are other parts in
my book, but I posted the most relevant to what I am trying to get
across.
Businesses are closed. The government
has moved to bare essential personnel, schools are closed. Stores
have row upon row of empty shelves (see panic above). Anxiety rides
high. It has become more and more clear how unprepared we are for
anything that changes how we charge ahead in our day to day lives
unthinking of what can happen. Everyone is aware now. The change is
here and you can’t avoid it.
I think Douglas Adams put it best:
Tomorrow I start my first full day of working from home. So does my lovely wife. She and I will be sharing office space now. My daughter will be home from school all this week at a minimum. That might extend even longer, depending on the spread of the virus and how attempts to contain it work out.
Welcome to the new normal.
As things stand right now, I am still
filled with anxiety. There are massive numbers of unanswered
questions. Plans as far out as May are already canceled and plans for
July are being questioned. My daughter is supposed to be traveling to
France in August to begin a year of study in that country – and the
entire program is in doubt right now for the first time in 70 years.
I can’t comprehend the scope of this right now, but I wanted to write
this all down so that someday I will be able to look back at this and
remember some of the smaller details. I might even print this out –
just in case the electronic version is somehow unavailable. There’s
that panicky edge again…
I’ve been distracted by the real world again. I’d love to spend tons and tons of time here in writer land but sometimes things happen. What I need to learn to be better about is actually writing down the things I’ve got bouncing around in the ol’ noggin.
Right now, here in the United States we have a panic happening about a global pandemic. People are getting sick at an alarming rate – and being terrible to each other at an even more alarming rate.
I’ve got a number of thoughts that I want to put here, but I’m still formulating how to pull it all together. For some frame of reference I tried to think of another event that really changed things across the country in such short order. The one I could think of most recently was the terror attacks of September 11, 2001.
I was at work that day. I remember it quite clearly. I know where I was sitting and could paint you a picture of my surroundings. What isn’t as clear in my memory was the thought process I had going on. I was writing then. I didn’t have things in electronic format. I didn’t have a blog or really even understand what was involved in starting one at that point. What I did have was my sketch book. I always have a sketch book at work. It’s part of the job. I track my hours on projects, but a lot of other things land in there too. I’ve pulled 3 pertinent pages from that old book (it was almost 20 years ago at this point – a bit staggering to consider) and have them here.
That day
I knew a number of people living in NYC at the time and made an effort to reach out to one of my closest friends of the time. I was lucky to get a response, and get it quickly.
What a day indeed
I recall a number of things about price gouging, hoarding and people being terrible – but more than that I remember people reaching out to help each other.
Did terror win?
I am seeing some things about the pandemic that are similar here in the US, but I am also seeing a number of differences. I want to give this all a lot more thought before I try to write up how I feel about it all. I need to put all the thoughts someplace. Having some historic context is going to matter to me at some point in the future.
The Boy Scouts of America have filed for bankruptcy. They have failed to be what they claim and are now paying for that. I’ve written and posted in the past about my personal issues with the BSA program. [Don’t Bring the Fat Kid] They have been headed in the wrong direction for many years. The stances they have taken and the so called protective policies they attempted to use have undermined the very things they claim to stand for.
I was associated with the BSA for a long time. I am an eagle scout. That achievement doesn’t just go away. It’s something I am proud of. The friends I made when I was a scout are still my friends today. The things we did, the places we went, the adventures we had are as irreplaceable as they are priceless.
A program like the BSA is important. It
matters. Our children are the future and we need to do whatever is in
our power to give them those adventures, those friends, those leaders
and role models. The leaders, mentors and role models of the BSA as
it stands now have failed entirely. Taking advantage of or abusing a
child is as heinous a thing as I can think of. I do not understand
it, nor do I forgive it. I am not a person of virtue when it involves
people that prey on children.
Hiding records of this abuse is beyond
unacceptable. Yes, clearly the easy stance that nobody will argue
with. The opposite is an indefensible position. There is a part of me
that demands this organization be immediately dismantled, ended, and
relegated to history.
BUT
Before something is completely destroyed it is important to try to wrap our heads around the potential impact. There is never really any way to truly know all the results or fall out from an action like this. There are more than 2 million boys that are still participating in this program. The most important question I can come up with is this ~ what fills the void if the BSA just goes away? The millions of boys out there getting something vital and positive from scouting will lose out. Where do they go to fill that void? No matter how convenient the entire organization can not be painted with a single brush. I don’t have good answers for alternatives. I wish I did. I’d go and do that.
Be prepared… how about Be Better?
I don’t believe the BSA will survive
this. It won’t be immediate, but they will collapse under the weight
of their own hubris and inability to adapt to a changing world. Much
like my thoughts on a recent architecture school closure, I derive no
joy from this. It saddens me to know that those thousands of boys
suffered at the hands of a group that has had such a positive impact
on millions of others. It’s desperately sad for me to see all the
failings as an adult that I was thankfully and blessedly unaware of
as a boy. I was lucky and didn’t face abuse like that. It’s
depressing to see a future without a strong and popular organization
for giving life to outdoor activities for kids that need it now more
than ever.
I’d be interested to hear if anyone has
alternatives to a program like the BSA. I hope something fills the
void that will be left when the BSA eventually dies. Filling that
void matters. Filling that void with a group that doesn’t hide child
molesters matters more.
I’m not good at it. Listening is not
easy. Genuinely hearing what other people are saying is active – a
verb. You are doing something, not just passively sitting and waiting
for your turn to speak. Most people don’t listen with the intent of
understanding, most people listen with the intent of responding.
I’m going to frame this conversation in
terms of entertainment, both written and other media, but it is
something that should be applied to any other communication.
The movies have always been for me. The
massive, record breaking, blockbuster films for the vast majority of
my life have been super white. The awards given out have been all
white. The works they were based on were overwhelmingly white. It’s
been a white, white, white world.
February is black history month. The Academy of Motion pictures is holding it’s annual awards this first weekend of February. Will diversity show up? I have my doubts. Check out this video to hear what prompted my thought process.
When the comic book adaptation film
Black Panther came out I was very excited to see another part
of the Marvel cinematic universe come to life on the screen. BP
crushed at the box office and had amazing staying power in the
theaters. It got extremely positive reviews. When I reviewed the
movie the take away for me was “this movie was not aimed at me”.
It was a black superhero telling a story that showed that white
wasn’t the only way. It was aimed at NOT white kids to say, “look,
this is for you too”. I thought that was one of the best parts of
the movie. I have no idea the “realness” of the backgrounds of
characters, the authenticity of the costume inspirations – non of
that is history I know. It was wonderful, but in the end it didn’t
have the same impact it would if I were part of a community that grew
up with, knew or understood those things. I appreciate what it is and
what it did, but it was not going to be inspirational to me or have
the kind of impact it will with people not from my background.
I attempted to explain what I meant to
another white person. This white person said something to the effect
of, “What? You don’t like it? How can you not like it? Look what
Marvel is doing! All those costumes and colors…”
This
person wasn’t listening. To them the film was just another part of a
bigger whole without the context of inclusion. To be fair – I don’t
know if it was a matter of accepting this diversity without question
or completely missing the point. The feeling I got during the
conversation was that they were completely missing the point. It’s
not easy to listen without putting forward your own view and making
things fit into the framework you’re comfortable with. Saying that it
wasn’t for me was not a condemnation of the film, it was an attempt
to understand that an expanded and multi-faceted creation had more to
offer than the same old reworked all white framework that I have
known my entire life.
Sometimes when listening becomes action
it means accepting a different role. Really listening means you’re
open to changing your views. Sometimes the different role is not the
“in charge” role. Not making decisions or leading. If you’ve
always been in the lead it is not easy to relinquish that to anybody
else, let alone someone that doesn’t mesh with the homogenized system
you’ve become comfortable with.
This is also not an easy conversation to have. Being the middle aged white guy makes putting forward any thoughts on diversity of any kind dangerous. It’s easy to go wrong due to lack of understanding and a lack of willingness to listen. There’s a quote I heard in the past about media that essentially said if you let somebody talk long enough you will be able to take six lines out of context and use that against them – even if that was never what they meant. Sometimes you don’t know or can’t know the right context for asking questions. It can be challenging to put forward that you don’t know something. It will make you vulnerable and people don’t generally like that. The landscape of social media makes it easy to hide behind anonymity and scream out about the faults of others. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Vulnerability scares people.
Great quote from a great movie, “I have the right to see fine in any color…”
I am trying to listen. I am hoping to be part of a meaningful change. It won’t be easy. It’s something I’m working on. I think I’m getting better, but that’s not really for me to judge. Diversity matters. It matters an awful lot more than we understand. Listen ~ and be part of the change.
