First Casualty

The first casualty of stress isn’t free time, it’s creativity.

The real world has been conspiring against me for a while now, attempting to hamper my creative efforts. It has been quite successful – just not enough of anything to push forward. Get finished with the real world requirements and fall over, drained.

Yes, there are lots of ‘creative’ solutions to whatever thing is going on outside of computer land, but that is generally exhausting and limiting all bundled into one. I’ve had a handful of times when I was without “something to do” over the past couple of months, but never a time when I’d had the space or physical and emotional recovery time to make something of it.

Recovery time is an important aspect of that. Just because the immediate issue has passed doesn’t mean everything just pops over into the creative stream and gushes out full speed. More than once I’ve sat here with fingers on keys just trying to will myself to type anything and failing. I’ve watched hours of short videos on YouTube, sometimes repeating the same ones because there’s some spark there that isn’t challenging and there’s an odd comfort to that. That moment of “oh, there’s an idea” and it just falls apart or I can’t get the energy to move has been real.

Sometimes I can’t wait for the muse or the recovery. Sometimes I just need to push ahead and put words on a page. They might not be good words. They might not be spelled correctly or they’ll have terrible grammar, but they’ll push my body to remember the part where I can sit and type for something that doesn’t involve work or an insurance company.

The big hurdle will be taking that process and putting the creativity back into it. Let’s see how this challenge goes.

Upcoming Convention

I have volunteered as tribute… I mean, I volunteered to be on panels at the Baltimore science fiction society’s convention again this year. I made that choice back around the first of the year (or maybe earlier?) when they sent out invitations. I haven’t heard anything yet, but that’s typical for any convention – many details, including schedules, run close to the last minute. I expect the schedule won’t be final until close to Memorial Day weekend (when the convention happens).


I understand there are any number of folks out there who are very down on Balticon and the people running it. I’ve witnessed some people getting rotten treatment and half ass apologies or no apologies. I know a large number of authors and vendors who are specifically not going this year, and likely never will again. There have been struggles.

Part of me very much wants to support my friends. I know first hand how behind the scenes stuff spirals out of control and becomes ‘news’. I’ve stopped all support for any worldcon and Philcon specifically for personal reasons much like theirs. I’ve posted about that before, both here and other places. Treating people shabbily is not excusable.

Balticon was the first convention I ever attended back in 1993. They were the first convention to invite me as an author guest. They were the first convention I displayed art at. They’ve been my ‘home con’ where I’ve participated for more than 3 decades. I’m going again this year. I am hopeful for improvements, but mindful of what has gone before.