Quiet time

Posted on by
Reply

There’s something important about quiet times. I can’t put a finger on exactly what it is, but it matters.

As I’m writing this it is one of those quiet times. A damp and grey morning all the colors outside seem muted. Rain is alternating between a sad drizzle and a cutting, diagonal downpour. A warm cup of coffee fits, along with a book to read. Music with few words and soothing tones playing in the background.

Perhaps the important thing is that this is a short lived thing. I know that I’ve got a slate of things set up to do later today, grey weather or not. That will mean preparation and travel, filled with people and noise. The schedule will pick up and, if I am not careful, my energy level will drop precipitously.

This is recharge time. This is inspiration time. Time to drift and wonder and dream.

Take advantage of those times when you get them. I know I will.

Dungeons & Dragons – The Series?

Posted on by
Reply

There has been some recent (well, relatively recent but I’ve been slow to post) buzz around a television series based on Dungeons & Dragons.

In theory, this makes me happy. The issue is that being too excited to see something like this frequently leads to a big let down or massive disappointment. I’ve been burned in that department before (looking at you D&D movie from 2000). Sure, the latest film Honor Among Thieves did really well and was a lot of fun to watch. It had some great moments and an enjoyable story. There were big name actors involved who actually took on the story, rather than taking on the roll as a… diversion or escape from some other engagement they didn’t want to deal with. I liked it and I’ve watched it more than once. I went and bought a DVD (yes, hard copies personally owned are still a thing) to support the idea that they should make more.

So, why am I not more excited about this?

Fantasy is a very easy genre to do badly. It’s also super easy to mock when it all goes wrong. It’s also maddening when the ‘fantasy’ aspect is wrecked in order to shoe horn in some standard Hollyweird bullshit that some executive who’s never liked that “geeky stuff” anyway thinks it needs. “Where’s the lovers triangle and who’s playing the handsome but misunderstood hero”? Insert vomit noises here.

The good – D&D is now socially mainstream enough that shows and movies are not immediately shelved. There’s hope that this new TV show (streaming show likely) will actually show D&D related things. Real actors, quality effects and a decent story. One article I read (like here) also gives some “geek cred” to the creators behind the process.

The bad – It’s a series, so there’s likely less in the effects budget and that’s kind of a big deal when it comes to magic spells and mythical creatures. It’s being set in the Forgotten Realms, but nothing more specific than that. That’s kind of like saying I’m making a TV show about the police and it’s being set in America. Thanks. Way to narrow it down. There’s an absolute mountain of material there, but that’s where the trouble always begins. The mountain of material falls into the trap of trying to mention it all. We even saw a peek of that in the movie. How many little ‘nod to the fans’ things were spliced between the scenes that moved the story? Can we use any of the things they used in the movie if this show isn’t attached to it? IF we can’t, does that mean we’ll never see anything else from the Red Wizards of Thay?

The worrisome – It’s being set up on Netflix as of right now. I like them as a streaming service generally. They are, however, notorious for giving a show five to eight episodes, letting it start to generate some buzz, then just killing it altogether. That would just make me more mad if all of the stuff above was actually navigated successfully and I was actually a fan of a good show and they axed it.

It’s a lot of unanswered questions. I’ll keep watching for more, but my hope is… guarded.

Upcoming Convention – Getting Ready

Posted on by
Reply

I’m happy to say that I’ve been invited to be a panelist at the annual convention of the Baltimore Science Fiction Society again this year. I’m very excited for it!

Fandom in general and conventions in particular have had a lot of hard times lately. Things that might have been easier to deal with in different social environments have become bigger and noticeably more damaging. Sometimes for the better – exposing less than wonderful people and removing them from the processes. Sometimes for the worse – bending to inappropriate social pressures and attacking people without just cause. All of these things have made what was once a shining thing for me a lot more tarnished.

I have been attending or speaking at this particular con for somewhere in the realm of 30 years. I’ve been through a number of things with them, a number of locations and a bunch of changes. I know a number of people who’ve decided to go other directions and can’t or won’t forgive the people running this convention enough to support them. I understand that – I have made that choice with a number of other conventions myself. I’ve decided to keep going here, and I’m glad they’ll have me.

I got my draft schedule the other day and I started digging into panels and descriptions.

I’ve shifted away from a lot of the author things. I haven’t had anything published in so long I almost don’t remember the process. I am still connected to fandom and gaming, so I’ve been added to a bunch of those panels. My draft list is:

What Makes a Good Player?

So you want to be a Game Master?

Coming out of the Dungeon

Being a bad guy without being a Bad Guy

Your Player Said What??

and – Making a Book Club Work

I spent a fair portion of my afternoon writing up a bunch of notes for these descriptions and doing some homework on my fellow panelists (not going to get caught off guard again if I can help it). I can’t wait to see what everyone else has to say… and I am really looking forward to coming back and giving a full report on it here. Stay tuned!

My Favorite

Posted on by

Some weeks ago I got a little break in the schedule and got to do something I wouldn’t have thought I’d enjoy. Turns out, it was great. I had a really fun, relaxing evening of entertainment with friends.

What was this magical thing?

I went to see a play.

My dear friend John had tickets to a local high school production of “My Favorite Year”. There was a moment when I stopped and questioned why my friend had tickets to a high school play in the area (and no kids in school), but then found we were going in support of a coworker’s kids. What the hell? I’m in.

We headed to the auditorium, grabbed our seats and got comfy. That’s when it really hit me – I actually missed that sort of thing. My kiddo is years out of high school at this point and there just aren’t any sort of events like this anymore. No school nights, no plays, no concerts, no games… all that is just over and done. God(s) help me, I actually had a bout of nostalgia and a real sense of loss.

Then there was the mess of a crowd getting out. All that nostalgia went away and I remembered all the pain in the ass parts. I had no connections of my own, no fellow parents to chat with, nor any of the ‘normal’ things associated with going to an event like that. The best possible thing for me was to get through the crowd and head out the doors. Easier said than done, but I managed.

I will say the kids in that production were great. The music, the dancing, the costumes were excellent. It was a great show. Start to finish, well done. If you can go and support the kids of your coworkers or friends, give it a shot!

First Casualty

Posted on by

The first casualty of stress isn’t free time, it’s creativity.

The real world has been conspiring against me for a while now, attempting to hamper my creative efforts. It has been quite successful – just not enough of anything to push forward. Get finished with the real world requirements and fall over, drained.

Yes, there are lots of ‘creative’ solutions to whatever thing is going on outside of computer land, but that is generally exhausting and limiting all bundled into one. I’ve had a handful of times when I was without “something to do” over the past couple of months, but never a time when I’d had the space or physical and emotional recovery time to make something of it.

Recovery time is an important aspect of that. Just because the immediate issue has passed doesn’t mean everything just pops over into the creative stream and gushes out full speed. More than once I’ve sat here with fingers on keys just trying to will myself to type anything and failing. I’ve watched hours of short videos on YouTube, sometimes repeating the same ones because there’s some spark there that isn’t challenging and there’s an odd comfort to that. That moment of “oh, there’s an idea” and it just falls apart or I can’t get the energy to move has been real.

Sometimes I can’t wait for the muse or the recovery. Sometimes I just need to push ahead and put words on a page. They might not be good words. They might not be spelled correctly or they’ll have terrible grammar, but they’ll push my body to remember the part where I can sit and type for something that doesn’t involve work or an insurance company.

The big hurdle will be taking that process and putting the creativity back into it. Let’s see how this challenge goes.

Upcoming Convention

Posted on by

I have volunteered as tribute… I mean, I volunteered to be on panels at the Baltimore science fiction society’s convention again this year. I made that choice back around the first of the year (or maybe earlier?) when they sent out invitations. I haven’t heard anything yet, but that’s typical for any convention – many details, including schedules, run close to the last minute. I expect the schedule won’t be final until close to Memorial Day weekend (when the convention happens).


I understand there are any number of folks out there who are very down on Balticon and the people running it. I’ve witnessed some people getting rotten treatment and half ass apologies or no apologies. I know a large number of authors and vendors who are specifically not going this year, and likely never will again. There have been struggles.

Part of me very much wants to support my friends. I know first hand how behind the scenes stuff spirals out of control and becomes ‘news’. I’ve stopped all support for any worldcon and Philcon specifically for personal reasons much like theirs. I’ve posted about that before, both here and other places. Treating people shabbily is not excusable.

Balticon was the first convention I ever attended back in 1993. They were the first convention to invite me as an author guest. They were the first convention I displayed art at. They’ve been my ‘home con’ where I’ve participated for more than 3 decades. I’m going again this year. I am hopeful for improvements, but mindful of what has gone before.

Preservation

Posted on by

I give way too much thought to my legacy for somebody that has barely cracked a dozen published works. Thing is, I can’t help it. I have binder upon binder of notes. I have this addiction to paper and all sorts of sketching and annotation and random outlining of ideas. It is admittedly less organized than I would want it to be, but in there is the culmination of years and years of world building and character notes and map sketches.

Who cares?

A fair question. First and foremost the person stuck cleaning things out I suppose. This is a difficult and sometimes tragic situation.

A long time ago I was asked for my opinion on some works left behind by a young creator. This young person had been killed in an accident and the grieving parents, in their quest for answers as to why this young person was gone far too soon, were lashing out at any and all entities involved in the accident. I was shown a sample of the young creator’s works and asked if I thought this was the seeds of a potentially legendary career cut short too soon.

It’s heartbreaking to see this kind of thing. One of the biggest factors in this particular case was the parents clearly having no interest or understanding in the work presented. Was this a factor in the so deemed ‘accident’? Hard to say. I had very limited access to information about the case (for that is exactly what it became when the parents brought lawsuits and criminal accusations). The scattered papers were gathered up and some notes attempting to bring order or sense were clipped to the front of the stack.

At the time I said I couldn’t see the level of potential claimed by the parents. The sketches were indifferent in skill, copying media available at the time. Fan fiction and use of copyrighted works without permission. I think about this from time to time. Would I see it differently now?

So, I have these thoughts. I have stacks of binders and reams of sketches, some in books and some floating freely across reference books or folded into game manuals. Will somebody look at those and claim there is more there than there is? I have my doubts, but I think about it anyway.

Then I wonder ~ what sort of gap in history will there be when these millions upon millions of words just go away? Yes, I have this addiction to paper, but how many notes, feelings, personal letters and all the other ephemera of an author’s life will be lost when (notably not IF) all the electronic records fail and the internet is gone? How will a researcher dig into the various aspects of what brought a story to life when all that life was held together with circuits and lights?

This is a thought I’ve had before, and one that will likely crop up again. The topic is worth the thought. How many thousands of my words would disappear if my website went away? Would anyone other them me care? What sort of personal correspondence would come up when somebody wondered if I bounced ideas off other authors? Will there be anything to find?

I think this article (link) is both hopeful and naïve at the same time. Not everyone has that addiction to paper. It’s worth reading and definitely worth considering.

Endurance

Posted on by

Is endurance enough?

No, clearly it is not. There are many other factors involved in creating something that others can enjoy. It does bruise my spirit to see others I know and respect, people I have shared creativity with, lose the thread and stop.

This has happened recently to a friend. He posted a lengthy set of words describing how he was leaving the world of the ‘author’ effective immediately and switching back to creating things in a style and manner much more suited to his preferences. He has multiple books published. He’s creative and has a vision for his work. His words have inspired me before… and he’s quit.

I think that’s a harsh word and sounds sharper than I mean it to. He’s changed back to creating in other media, not listing piles and piles of words and mashing them onto pages for others. He’s won awards in this other format, and bluntly I agree with the people who gave the awards. Fantastic work, but watching the walking away of a creative person stings a little.

Part of this might be me seeing parallels. Part of it might be that his word production out paces mine by an order of magnitude (or more). I simply don’t produce words at the pace he does, even when he believes they’re not landing. Part might be the reality that success at any level beyond your local circle of friends is astonishingly rare.

This is not the only bit I’ve noticed, but it worries me to approach the rest of it.

I’ve never been a person to indulge in ‘crisis’ activities. “Mid-life” implies an end point is known. There are so many things to do in this world, there are so many places to see and even people to meet that giving in and wallowing in bad feelings seems like time that could be better spent trying to do all those things. And yet.

Maybe it’s as simple as being a sign of age.

I was at a second hand book store and found a very nice looking collection of old game books. Being a lover of Dungeons and Dragons, it was my first instinct to pick them up and inspect them despite owning all these works twice over already. Clearly my first mistake. When I picked one up and opened the cover it had the name of a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time written inside. Admittedly, we’d lost touch over the past couple of years, but we gamed together. His smile and his characters and his enthusiasm were always a bright – sometimes to the point of being insufferable – spot in the game. Why would he, being of similar age and mindset give up these most prized of possessions from the past? I went in search of his contact information… only to find out that he had died and nobody had said anything to me about it.

I’m not going to claim some wrong doing or severed kinship here. This is not some odd missed connection internet story. It was just sad. I was sad that I hadn’t known. The certainty of never having those conversations again was a blow. I closed the cover and placed the book back on the shelf. I haven’t been back to that shop since then. I don’t want to dig into that chapter again.

More and more of my peers quit, fade away from the community we’ve had over the years or die. It is becoming more of a struggle, but one that I intend to continue. There is still so much to do and see and experience that I must go forward. I must do all the things. New goals will be set. New paths made to move ahead.

So I endure.

The Speed of a Dream

Posted on by

The most difficult thing to me is the speed that the stories cascade across the screen in my mind in juxtaposition to the glacial pace they can be placed on the page by way of my fingers. What is the speed of a dream?

I’ve tried the voice to text tools and they’re far better these days than they were before, but there’s something to me about sitting in front of the blank page and tapping away at a set of keys. It feels right. The tactile nature of transferring a story from one medium to another. It can be soothing, it can be evocative, it can be infuriating. It happens at a faster pace from time to time. Sometimes I catch inspiration and the words just flow. The problem of course is that inspiration is fleeting and the stories I have to tell want… need, to be much longer than a few hundred words spilled onto a page in a moment when the images are willing to flow.

If the dream like state could be maintained then the words and the works would be created so much more quickly. There are those who believe the artist must, based on the maintenance of that dream like state, take measures to ensure the dreams don’t leave. It’s a fallacy, and worse, detrimental to the truth of the story one has to tell. IF one is the creator of the story than it should be a true creation, not one based in and biased by whatever concoction or substance the author consumed in desperation to grasp the dream.

Perhaps that’s the key. It’s not a dream, or if it is, it’s a dream that belongs to others. The creator is simply the channel and the words and the works are designed to be fleeting. The creations dash forward and away, in search of the place where they may take up space for all the others meant to experience them.

It’s whimsical to sit and ponder these things and more so to believe I have any insight into these things. I am peeking through the keyhole, glancing into the partially opened door in hopes that the light spilling out will work toward a greater success for those passing by in the darkness. Folly on a good day.

Working toward becoming the conduit for these misty visions and half formed myths isn’t easy. The words rarely match the clouded view, out of focus but evoking such strong emotions. How do you match the speed of a dream?

Someday. Eventually.

Poe and Drinks

Posted on by

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go in person to hear theatrical performances of four of Edgar Allen Poe’s stories. The “Poe Speakeasy” paired custom drinks with performances of Tell-tale Heart, The Raven, The Masque of Red Death and The Black Cat.

The custom drinks were paired with their individual stories. The actors gave outstanding performances while the audience got to sit and sip these fun alcoholic concoctions.

The time we selected for our show was the middle of the day. It was a bright, sunny afternoon. The weather was quite at odds with the mood the cast was trying to set. The drinks, for practical reasons no doubt, were in fancy plastic cups… but plastic non-the less. Little things, but really nothing to detract from what was a wonderful show.

For the record – it was just that. It was a show. Even one of the performers noted that there were aspects that might upset the purists. The interpretations were just fine from my point of view. I would suggest that if the tour lands in your area that you go and check it out! A fun time for a couple of hours – and definitely do it later in the day. The darkness will definitely add to the mood!

Speakeasy